Food, Stitches, Wind, Beer and OWNED by my mother

Arranged to meet Big Chris outside work at 4pm today for a 4 miler.

Let me start again.....got up at 8am and first thing that popped and stayed in my mind was the run at 4. Now, for some reason, I woke up bright, alert and actually......looking forward to the run! Got into work early, got a lot of work done, had a wee laugh and carry on as usual. Then, for want of a better term. - It. All. Went. Tits. Up.

As I missed breakfast, was starving early, so headed to canteen for lunch just before the rush at 12. A stall was set up selling raffle tickets and cakes 'for Comic Relief'. Ordered a pork sausage and brown sauce baguette and headed over to buy a raffle ticket and a couple of cakes. Long story short- bought 4 cakes, can of coke, went back and bought soup and said to myself, 100% seriously and definitely belived it, 'massive run at 4 o'clock Stevie son, need to get some food in you, you'll need it'.

Had a wee (fire) evacuation chair training course in afternoon and when we were doing the practical part with the chair on the stairs, sweat was lashing off me. Brushed it off. Got the dry mouth then dry heaves. Didn't feel great.

Met Chris back of 4. By that time I was feeling like a fat James Corden. Oh yeah, if you haven't guessed, I ate all the cakes. We started off running to airport from work into a big wind. Chris had to stop to take care of some business, I went on manfully. Into the wind, dust in my mouth, developed a stitch, then another one in my neck/shoulder. Ears were freezing and I couldn't breathe properly. My head was thumping and my vision was becoming blurry. Looked at my watch, been running for '00:02:45'.

Chris caught up and we were both F@@@@@. Dindn't realise it is no use running with someone if they are having an off day too. Anyway, we plodded on, turned at half way and then.....THE WIND WAS BEHIND US. Everything felt great. Took off for home, even started chatting. Due to a slight techinical error on my part, we ended up running into a dead end (actually the RSS Discovery/ River Tay), so not sure of distance but my stopwatch said '00:54:38'. Longest run yet.

Nipped up to my mum's for tea in full running gear. Had a great afterglow, happy, proud of myself feeling. She opened the door and instead of her usual cheery greeting she gasped in horror and half shouted 'My God, I didn't realise your legs are so skinny'. Now, as quite a few of you know, I am known for my Chris Hoy like, footballers thighs and my calfs are bigger than most shot putters necks, but....but....I have noticed recently that my legs are losing the definition and girth of old. 1- nil Mum.

Arranged to meet Scrobe for a couple of beers. On leaving my mums after a good mum tea, bath and chill out, she asked if I could drop something into hers tomorrow morning. Conversation went like this:
Mum - See you back of 10 then?
Me - Easy Mum, I'm out for a few beers tonight.
Mum - Ok. Back of 12?
Me - (Big smile and a huge shrug) Mum, can't promise anything, I may strike it lucky tonight and you'll not see me all weekend (wink).
Mum - (shutting door and under her breath) We can only live in hope.......